Believing in the word of Allah the Quran

Believing in the word of Allah the Quran

Allah Almighty accomplished the religion of truth of peace and His choice by blessing the Ummah with the beloved of all Prophets and last Messengers of Allah, Muhammad (SAW), descending upon Him the true and the greatest book of all time, The Holy Quran to let us guide and knowing Islam and learning quran, as narrated: O’ people! No Prophet would be raised after me and no new Ummah (would be formed) after you.

And,

Verily I have left amongst you that which will never lead you astray; the Book of Allah, which if you hold fast you shall never go astray

Read Quran it is the true word of Allah; Muhammad (SAW) is referring about it. Thus the Quran turns out to be an ultimate way of guidance descended upon all mankind till the Day of Judgment.

And also in Surah e Baqara, Allah Himself glorifies the Holy Quran

Al-Baqara [2:2] this is the book; in it is guidance sure, without doubt, to those who fear Allah.

After this it leaves no room for argument to the guided ones or doubt in hearts and souls of true believers that the book that was reviled on prophet Muhammad (SAW) the holy Quran is the source of guidance for whom who are searching for guidance of Allah and his blessings.

Those of us who believe in greatness of Quran and try to understand and follow the true teachings of God are definitely differentiated from the ones who don’t do so, as narrated in this verse:

Al-Baqara [2:78] and there are among them illiterates, who know not the book, but (see therein their own) desires, and they do nothing but conjecture.

What makes Muslims believe that the Quran

Muslims believe that Prophet Muhammad is not the author of the Quran. God is its Author. The following points bear the fact:

First of all, the Quran itself, at a number of places and in different ways, says that it is from God. One of the claims runs thus: “This is indeed a Quran most honourable, a Book well-guarded…a Revelation from the Lord of the Worlds.” (Quran 56:77-80)

(Here, one ought to know the features of the Quran to understand the claim better. For instance, if the Quran had consisted of a number of books, and each book was made up of a number of chapters, then each of the books had to claim that it was from God in order to render the WHOLE volume as coming from God. But, this is fortunately not so with the Quran. The Quran is just ONE Book made up of 114 chapters. So, if the Quran claims, in any of its chapters, that the Book is from God, then the WHOLE Quran is from God. Yet, the Quran does not make the divine claim only once, but several times in different phrases and in different chapters.)

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She is asking for separate accommodation; is that regarded as causing separation between her husband and his family?

 

I married my maternal cousin a month and a half ago, and I do not feel happy with this marriage, because she does not show much respect to me and she goes out of the house a lot to visit her family, and she does not obey me in some matters. One day she said: I want separate accommodation. Please note that I live with my brother and his wife, and my sister, and everyone is happy with us living together and staying as one family. I swore an oath to her that her request would be fulfilled, but she should be patient for a while. But she refused and went to her family’s house. News of that reached my mother and she found out that my wife wants me and my brother to live in separate houses, and she said: If you live with your wife in a separate house I will never enter your house, and neither will your brother or anyone else in your family. Now I am in a bad situation. 1 – Should I disobey my mother and obey my wife, or should I lose my wife and obey my mother? Please note that she did not stipulate in the marriage contract that she should have her house, rather she only stipulated that she should complete her studies. 2 – My family wants me to divorce her and take my money back, because she is being wilfully defiant (naashiz). 3 – My family and my people regard my leaving the house where I live with my brother as something shameful. My question is – is my wife really being wilfully defiant?.

Praise be to Allaah.

Firstly: 

The relationship between the spouses should be one of love
and kindness, especially if they are related to one another, so the rights
of kinship are joined with the rights of marriage. Both parties should
strive to establish such a relationship. 

Whatever happens of bad treatment between spouses may be due
to the husband or the wife, or both of them. Based on that, you should look
for the causes of her lack of respect towards you, or her not obeying your
commands, and you should strive to sort it out. 

Some woman who are newly married do not understand how
important it is to obey the husband, and they do not understand the concept
of qiwaamah (being in charge of the family) that is the husband’s role
alone. Hence they need some time to understand that, and they may need
someone to explain it to them and teach them. Perhaps you could seek the
help of some useful tapes and books that speak about the relationship
between the spouses and the foundations of its success. 

At the same time, some men go too far in wanting their wives
to hear and obey in absolutely everything, and if the wife discusses any
issue with him or makes a suggestion or is a little late in doing what he
told her to do, he accuses her of nushooz (wilful defiance), disobedience
and going against the command of Allaah, and not respecting him. 

The husband should never treat his wife as he would treat his
servant, and the wife has the right to be respected and consulted, to give
her own opinion and to discuss matters so that they will reach the decision
that is best. 

Secondly: 

The wife has the right to live in separate accommodation with
her husband and children, and not to share it with anyone, whether it is a
father, a mother or a relative. 

This is the view of most of the Hanafi, Shaafa’i and Hanbali
fuqaha’. She also has the right to refuse to live with his father, mother
and siblings. 

Al-Kaasaani said in Badaa’i al-Sanaa’i (4/24): If the
husband wants to make her live with her co-wife or in-laws, such as the
husband’s mother or sister or daughter from another wife or his relatives,
and she refuses to do so, then he has to accommodate her in a separate
house, because they may annoy her or harm her if they live together, and her
refusal is an indication that she is being bothered or harmed. And because
he needs to be able to have intercourse with her or be intimate with her at
any time, and that cannot be done if there is a third person living with
them. End quote. 

Shaykh al-Islam Ibn Taymiyah favoured the view that if the
husband is poor or unable to provide separate accommodation for his wife,
she does not have the right to ask for something he is unable to give. This
was narrated from him in Mataalib Ooli al-Nuha (5/122). Rather she
should bear it with patience until Allaah gives him the means.  

To sum up, separate accommodation is the wife’s right, even
if she did not stipulate it in the marriage contract, and she has the right
to ask for it now, and she is not regarded as being wilfully defiant because
of that. The commonly held view among some people, that this is creating
division among siblings, is not true, because this is a shar’i right of the
wife, and it serves the interests of both spouses, because it prevents free
mixing and guards them against looking at things that are not permissible.
It is unfortunate that in many shared family homes, a man may look at his
brother’s wife, and they may shake hands or be alone together, which may
lead to jealousy, envy, disputes and separation. There may also be arguments
because of the children. Undoubtedly a man is a stranger (non-mahram) to his
brother’s wife, so it is not permissible for him to shake hands with her or
be alone with her or look at her, unless he is a mahram to her through some
other means, such as breastfeeding. 

The one who looks at shared family homes will be certain of
the wisdom of what the scholars have said, that a wife should have her own
home, because in many of these homes there are problems and differences
between the spouses and between a man and his brother, and between the wife
and her husband’s mother, and so on, as well as the many evils and things
that go against Islam. 

Finally, what we advise you to do is to strive to bring about
a reconciliation between your wife and your mother and family, and give each
one his or her dues. Give your wife her right to separate accommodation, and
it will not matter if any of them get angry about you having your own home,
because you are not doing anything wrong. But you have to continue to uphold
ties of kinship with your relatives, mother and brothers. 

If you cannot afford to provide a separate home for your wife
at present, then you can make her a promise and advise her to be patient
until Allaah makes you independent of means by His bounty. 

I ask Allaah, may He be exalted, to reconcile between you and
unite you, and to increase the love and affection between you. 

And Allaah knows best.

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His wife reviles him and insults him. What should he do?

 

There is a very ill mannered wife who slanders and insults her husband. He has warned her more than once, but she insists on insulting him. He cannot tolerate this but he has a daughter, and he fears for his daughter if he divorces his wife. What should he do?.

Praise be to Allaah.

If the wife insults and reviles her husband, then he must
advise her and warn her, and explain to her that her bad talk incurs sin,
especially since the husband is the most deserving of people of her respect
and good treatment, as the Prophet (peace and blessings of Allaah be
upon him) said: “If I were to command anyone to prostrate to anyone, I would
have told women to prostrate to their husbands, because of the rights that
Allaah has given them over them.” Narrated by Abu Dawood (2140) and
al-Tirmidhi (1159); classed as saheeh by al-Albaani in Saheeh Abi Dawood. 

You should follow with her the method that Allaah has
mentioned in His Book, of admonishing, forsaking in bed and hitting in a way
that does not cause injury. If none of that is successful, then you should
seek help in advising her from a righteous person in her family, so as to
preserve the family and take care of the rights of the children, if there
are any. 

Allaah says (interpretation of the meaning): 

“Men are the protectors and maintainers of women, because
Allaah has made one of them to excel the other, and because they spend (to
support them) from their means. Therefore the righteous women are devoutly
obedient (to Allaah and to their husbands), and guard in the husband’s
absence what Allaah orders them to guard (e.g. their chastity and their
husband’s property). As to those women on whose part you see ill‑conduct,
admonish them (first), (next) refuse to share their beds, (and last) beat
them (lightly, if it is useful); but if they return to obedience, seek not
against them means (of annoyance). Surely, Allaah is Ever Most High, Most
Great”

[al-Nisa’ 4:34] 

Among the admonishment that you may use with her is telling
her of the sin that she is committing by disobeying her husband, and the
great reward that she will attain if she obeys him. 

You should also explain to her the harm that will be suffered
by her, her husband and her daughter in the event of a divorce or if she
continues to behave in this manner. 

If the wife responds and is affected by this admonition, and
she gives up this bad behaviour, then this is what is wanted. If she
persists in her evil ways and foolishness, then there is no blame on the
husband if he divorces her. 

The scholars have stated that divorce may be permissible if
it is needed because of the wife’s bad attitude and bad conduct, and if he
is harmed by that and the purpose of marriage is not being achieved.  

Al-Mughni (10/324). 

What you have mentioned about being afraid for your daughter
if you separate is something that should be taken into account. If you are
afraid that you will not be able to bring her up, or that the girl will be
harmed because of this divorce, then you should weigh up the two evils, that
of staying with a woman whose attitude is bad and who is mistreating you,
and that of what might happen to your daughter after a divorce. One of the
basic principles of sharee’ah is doing the lesser of two evils in order to
ward off the greater. 

You should pray istikhaarah, asking Allaah for guidance,
before making your decision, and you should strive for reconciliation if
possible. If that is not possible then strive to protect your daughter and
get custody of her, and do not leave her for this woman to raise her with
her attitude. 

We advise you to pray to Allaah and always fear Him, for
Allaah has promised provision and a way out to the pious who always fear
Him. Allaah says (interpretation of the meaning): 

“And whosoever fears Allaah and keeps his duty to Him, He
will make a way for him to get out (from every difficulty).

3. And He will provide him from (sources) he never could
imagine. And whosoever puts his trust in Allaah, then He will suffice him.
Verily, Allaah will accomplish his purpose. Indeed Allaah has set a measure
for all things”

[al-Talaaq 65:2-3] 

We also advise you to repent to Allaah from all sins, for the
wife’s bad attitude may be a punishment for sins that one has committed, as
it was narrated that al-Fudayl ibn ‘Iyaad (may Allaah have mercy on him)
said: I disobey Allaah then I see that in the attitude of my mount or my
wife.  

We ask Allaah to set our affairs and the affairs of the
Muslims straight. 

And Allaah knows best.

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Her family are objecting to her living with her husband’s family

 

I got married four months ago, and I promised my wife that she would have her own place to live, but because it was so difficult to find suitable accommodation in my city, I asked her to let us live with my family temporarily. 

Is it permissible for her parents to object to us moving in with my family?.

Praise be to Allaah.

Accommodation is one of the wife’s rights that the husband is
obliged to provide, according to scholarly consensus, because Allaah has
given the woman who is revocably divorced (first or second talaaq) the right
to accommodation provided by her husband, as He says (interpretation of the
meaning): 

“Lodge them (the divorced women) where you dwell,
according to your means”

[al-Talaaq 65:6] . 

So the right to accommodation is even more certain in the
case of one who is still married, because Allaah has enjoined kind treatment
between spouses as He says (interpretation of the meaning): “and live
with them honourably” [al-Nisa’ 4:19]. Part of living with them
honourably is providing one’s wife with accommodation where she feels safe.
Similarly, a wife cannot do without accommodation to conceal her from the
gaze of others and where she can relax and feel that her property is safe.
Hence accommodation is a right that she has over her husband. 

The majority of Hanafi, Shaafa’i and Hanbali fuqaha’ are of
the view that the wife has the right to accommodation that is separate from
her husband’s relatives, and she has the right to refuse to live with his
father or mother or both. 

The Maalikis are of the view that a distinction is to be made
between a wife of noble status and a wife of lowly status. They said that it
is not permissible to make a wife of noble status live with one’s parents,
but that is permissible with regard to a wife of lowly status, unless making
the wife of lowly status live with the parents will cause her harm. See:
al-Mawsoo’ah al-Fiqhiyyah (25/109), al-Sharh al-Sagheer ‘ala
Mukhtasar Khaleel (2/737). 

But what is meant by accommodation according to the fuqaha’
is providing her with a room that has a door and a lock, along with a
bathroom and kitchen, unless they are poor and are content to share a
kitchen and bathroom. 

Ibn ‘Aabideen said in his Haashiyah (3/600): The
phrase “a separate house” means a place to spend the night, which is a
separate, specific place. It seems that what is meant by separate is a place
that is hers alone and she does not share it with anyone else in the
household. “With a lock” means that which is locked and opened with a key.
“… bathroom and kitchen” means a washroom and a place for cooking which are
inside the room or the house, and she does not share them with any other
member of the household. I (Ibn ‘Aabideen) say: And that should be the case
with regard to people who are not poor, so that each person has his own room
and some shared facilities such as the bathroom, oven and well. 

See also question no. 7653. 

Secondly: 

If the wife agrees to live with your family, there is nothing
wrong with that, because she is giving up her right. Her parents have no
right to object to that, so long as she is an adult of sound mind. 

She has the right to withdraw this agreement, because her
right to separate accommodation is not forfeited by her giving it up. 

Thirdly: 

The wife’s living with her husband’s family should be free of
any haraam things such as the husband’s brothers, paternal uncles etc being
alone with her or looking at her. 

It is well known that it is not permissible for a woman to be
alone with, shake hands with or uncover any part of her ‘awrah in front of
her husband’s brothers, because they are strangers to her like any other
non-mahrams; rather there should be even more caution in their case, because
the Prophet (peace and blessings of Allaah be upon him) said: “Beware
of entering upon women.” An Ansaari man said: O Messenger of Allaah, what
about the in-law? He said: “The in-law is death.” Narrated by al-Bukhaari
(4934) and Muslim (2172). al-Layth ibn Sa’d said: The in-law is the brother
of the husband and similar relatives of the husband such as his cousin and
the like.

 Narrated by Muslim. 

That depends on the situation of both the wife and of the
husband’s family, and whether both parties can put up with sharing
accommodation and living space. It seems that nowadays married life is
affected greatly by such circumstances, and many problems between both
parties are caused by sharing accommodation, to such an extent that it is
very rare to find a happy and calm married life when sharing living space
with the husband’s family. Perhaps it is because all people have seen such
things that your wife’s family  have objected to your moving in with your
family, out of concern for your marriage, and they are not being stubborn or
trying to control you and your family. 

We ask Allaah to help you to do that which is good and to
help you and your family and your wife. 

And Allaah knows best.

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Her husband is mentally ill and hurts her. How should she deal with him? Does he have any rights?

 

A woman is asking if her husband has rights over her. He is mentally ill. He does not interfere in the matters of their home. He also accuses her of being disloyal. She is far from him though. He is a father for 10 individuals. They got married without any help from his side. This made her very upset and she does not want to even talk with him. Please clarify the Islamic ruling on this matter.

Praise be to Allaah.

Firstly: 

We ask Allaah to heal your husband sooner
rather than later, and we ask Allaah to increase your reward for your
patience and forbearance. This calamity with which Allaah has tested you
will bring reward if you are patient and seek reward for it. 

It was narrated that Suhayb said: The
Messenger of Allaah (peace and blessings of Allaah be upon him) said:
“How wonderful is the situation of the believer, for all his affairs are
good. If something good happens to him, he gives thanks for it and that is
good for him; if something bad happens to him, he bears it with patience,
and that is good for him. This does not apply to anyone but the believer.”

Narrated by Muslim (2999). 

And it was narrated from Abu Sa’eed
al-Khudri and Abu Hurayrah that the Prophet (peace and blessings of
Allaah be upon him) said: “No exhaustion, pain, anxiety, grief, harm or
distress befalls a Muslim, not even a thorn that pricks him, but Allaah will
expiate some of his sins thereby.” Narrated by al-Bukhaari (5318) and Muslim
(2573). 

Secondly: 

In the case of your husband’s sickness,
either he is aware of what he is doing and saying, or he is not aware. If he
is aware, then he is accountable for what he says and does, and it is not
permissible for him to accuse you or to fail to raise his children; he must
do what Allaah has enjoined upon him of acts of worship and obedience, and
not do that which Allaah has forbidden. 

In this case you must carry out all marital
duties and it is not permissible for you to neglect them.

If he is not aware of what he is saying and
doing as the result of this sickness, then he is no longer accountable for
what he says and does. But if his actions affect the rights of others, then
the one whose right it is may take his right from your husband’s wealth or
from his guardians, such as if he transgresses against someone by killing
him or he damages his car and so on. 

It was narrated from ‘Aa’ishah that the
Prophet (peace and blessings of Allaah be upon him) said: “The Pen has
been lifted from three: from the sleeping person until he wakes up, from the
minor until he grows up, and from the insane person until he comes to his
senses.” Narrated by Abu Dawood (4398), al-Nisaa’i (3432) and Ibn Maajah
(2041); classed as saheeh by al-Albaani in Saheeh Abi Dawood. 

Ibn Hazm (may Allaah have mercy on him)
said: 

As for the one who has not yet reached
puberty, or who has reached puberty but has no discernment or reason, or has
lost his power of discernment after reaching puberty and being able to
discern, such people are not accountable and they are not allowed to dispose
of any of their wealth, because of the report that we have narrated from the
Messenger of Allaah (peace and blessings of Allaah be upon him): “The
Pen has been lifted from three”, in which he mentioned “from the minor until
he grows up, and from the insane person until he comes to his senses.” 

Al-Muhalla
(7/200). 

Shaykh Ibn ‘Uthaymeen (may Allaah have mercy
on him) said:  

As for the rational man, his opposite is the
insane man who has no reason, or the elderly man or elderly woman if they
have reached the age where they have lost the power of discernment, which is
known as senility. Such a person does not have to pray because he does not
have the mental capacity. 

Majmoo’ al-Fataawa
(12/first question). 

See scholarly comments on his behaviour and
its effects in the answer to question no.
73412. 

With regard to his accusation that you have
sinned, if what you mean is an accusation of zina, then in the second case
he is not committing slander, because an important condition, namely reason,
is missing. Similarly, he cannot engage in li’aan either. 

In al-Mawsoo’ah al-Fiqhiyyah (33/11)
it says: 

The fuqaha’ are unanimously agreed that in
order for a person to be regarded as committing slander, he (or she) must be
an adult of sound mind and acting on the basis of free will, whether male or
female, free or slave, Muslim or non-Muslim. 

End quote. 

To sum up: 

You may either put up with what he is doing,
if he does not understand what he is doing because of his sickness and loss
of reason, or you may refer your case to the qaadi to determine whether he
is fit to remain as your husband or the marriage may be annulled. 

If he does understand what he is doing, then
you may either put up with what is happening or you may ask him for a
divorce, and if he refuses you may refer your case to the sharee’ah court to
arrange a separation. 

And Allaah knows best.

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Should he stop his wife from listening to misguided daa’iyahs?

 

I have proposed to a religious girl. The problem is that I found that there are some things she is ignorant of. Also some of the scholars she wants to listen to are of those who called (satellite preachers). Many scholars have warned from listening to such preachers. Other scholars she listens to are of those who care about satisfying the government. They sometimes criticize Ahlus-Sunnah, or say things like ‘women are allowed to be judges and presidents’.

I said to her that I cannot let her listen to a scholar who spreads innovations or a non-knowledgeable person; because it is my responsibility in front of Allah to guard her from such things. She sees this as dominating, and says that I do not trust that she can distinguish between what is right and what is wrong. She also says that the scholars she listens to are saying good things. Am I mistaken? Or it is my right and even duty to protect her?.

Praise be to Allaah.

A man has to strive to
guide his wife and encourage her to do the duties that Allaah has enjoined
as much as he can, because Allaah says (interpretation of the meaning): 

“O you who believe! Ward
off yourselves and your families against a Fire (Hell) …”

[al-Tahreem 66:6] 

The great scholar Abu Bakr
al-Jassaas (may Allaah have mercy on him) said in Ahkaam al-Qur’aan
(3/697): This indicates that we have to teach our children and wives
religion and goodness, and whatever is essential to good manners. 

This is supported by the
words of the Prophet (peace and blessings of Allaah be upon him): “Each
of you is a shepherd and each of you is responsible for his flock.” It is
well known that just as a shepherd is required to guard and protect those
under his care, he is also required to discipline them and teach them. End
quote. 

The great scholar Ibn
Katheer (may Allaah have mercy on him) said, commenting on this verse:
Qataadah said: He should enjoin them to obey Allaah and forbid them to
disobey Allaah. He should take care of them as Allaah has commanded and
enjoin them to obey Him and help them to do so. If you see any disobedience
to Allaah, you should rebuke them for that. End quote. 

If the brother has done the
marriage contract with this woman, then she is his wife and he has to strive
to teach her about her religion and help her to learn, but kindness and
gentleness should be the method he uses in achieving this aim. The Prophet
(peace and blessings of Allaah be upon him) said: “When Allaah wills
good for the members of a household, He introduces kindness to them.”
Narrated by Ahmad; classed as saheeh by al-Albaani in Silsilah
al-Ahaadeeth al-Saheehah (3/219). 

He has to stop her doing
that which will harm her religious commitment, such as listening to
misguided daa’iyahs, if what they promote is misguidance and scholars whose
religious commitment and knowledge is trustworthy have warned against them.
This applies if she is unable to distinguish between truth and falsehood.
But if she knows what is true and there is no fear that she may be
influenced by what the misguided daa’iyahs say, then there is nothing wrong
with her listening to them and accepting what is true and ignoring what is
false. This applies to the innovations that the scholars have denounced and
warned against. As for issues where there are differences of scholarly
opinion where ijtihaad is allowed and the scholars have different points of
view, it does not matter if the ordinary person follows one of them. 

To sum up: You have to
protect your wife from misguidance and following whims and desires, but you
should be gentle with her, and try to convince her that people do not accept
falsehood unless it is mixed with truth so as to confuse them. If she
understands this, she will be convinced, in sha Allaah. You should also try
to provide a suitable alternative from daa’iyahs and scholars who are
trustworthy with regard to their religious commitment and knowledge, and who
attract people by their good presentation skills. You will find many of this
type, praise be to Allaah. 

May Allaah help us and you
to do that which He loves and which pleases Him. 

And Allaah knows best.

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His mother wants him to divorce his second wife so that no one else will follow his example and marry more than one wife

 

I am a lady who has been married for a short time because I am the second wife of a married man. His mother has asked him to divorce me, not because of any bad conduct on my part, but merely so that his sisters’ husbands will not follow his example. She says that she does not care if there is any sin on her because of this demand, what matters is not to go against custom by entering into a plural marriage. What is the Islamic point of view on this matter? Does my husband have to obey her in that, knowing that I live with him according to the way of Allaah?.

Praise be to Allaah.
 

 

The mother has no right to tell her son to divorce his wife
just because he is going against his family’s or tribe’s custom by taking a
second wife, or because she fears that her daughter’s husbands may follow
his example, because plural marriage is something that has been permitted by
Allaah and by His Messenger (peace and blessings of Allaah be upon
him). 

The son does not have to obey his father or mother with
regard to divorcing his wife, especially if that is for a reason that is
contrary to the aims of sharee’ah, namely to have many children and keep
Muslim women chaste and reduce immorality. 

It says in Mutaalib Oola’l-Nuha (5/320): A son is not
obliged to obey his parents, even if they are of good character, with regard
to divorcing his wife, because this is not part of honouring one’s parents. 

Shaykh al-Islam Ibn Taymiyah was asked about a married man
who has children, but his mother dislikes his wife and tells him to divorce
her. Is it permissible for him to divorce her? The answer was: It is not
permissible for him to divorce her because of what his mother says, rather
he should honour his mother, but divorcing his wife is not part of honouring
his mother. And Allaah knows best. 

Al-Fataawa al-Kubra, 3/331 

Your husband has to
honour his mother and treat her kindly, whilst keeping you as his wife,
because it is not part of honouring his mother to divorce his wife. 

This mother should be advised and reminded that it is
essential to follow the laws of Islam, and to beware of drawing nigh to sin.
She should realize that whether her daughters will get divorced or not, or
their husbands will take second wives or not, are matters of the unseen
which no one knows except Allaah. Whatever He wills will happen, so there is
no point in committing haraam actions and splitting up families. 

Our advise to you is to strive your hardest to treat your
husband’s mother kindly and to win her love, so that your kind treatment of
her will erase from her mind the idea of telling her son to divorce you.  

And Allaah knows best.

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Ruling on divorcing in jest

 

If a man says to his wife, “You are divorced,” but he did not intend it as a divorce, rather he was joking with her, does that count as a divorce?.

Praise be to Allaah.

The scholars differed as to whether a divorce given in jest
counts as a divorce. The majority are of the view that it does count as
such, and they quoted as evidence the report narrated by Abu Hurayrah (may
Allaah be pleased with him) who said: The Messenger of Allaah (peace
and blessings of Allaah be upon him) said: “There are three matters in which
seriousness is serious and joking is serious: marriage, divorce and taking
back (one’s wife).” Narrated by Abu Dawood, 2194; al-Tirmidhi, 1184; Ibn
Maajah, 2039.  The scholars differed as to whether this report is saheeh
(sound) or da’eef (weak). Al-Albaani classed it as hasan in Irwa’
al-Ghaleel, 1826. 

A similar meaning was narrated in mawqoof reports from some
of the Sahaabah. 

It was narrated that ‘Umar ibn al-Khattaab (may Allaah be
pleased with him) said: “There are four things which become binding if they
are spoken: divorce, manumission, marriage and vows.” 

It was narrated from ‘Ali (may Allaah be pleased with him):
“There are three in which jesting is like seriousness: divorce, marriage and
manumission.” 

Abu’l-Darda’ said: “There are three matters in which jesting
is just as valid as saying them seriously: divorce, marriage and
manumission.” 

Ibn al-Qayyim (may Allaah have mercy on him) said, after
mentioning the hadeeth quoted above: 

These Sunnahs imply that one who is accountable jokes about
divorce, marriage or taking back his wife, then what he joked about becomes
binding on him. This indicates that the words of a joker carry weight even
though the words of a sleeper, one who forgets, one who has lost his mind
and one who is forced do not count. The difference between them is that the
joker intends to say the words although he does not want the ruling on his
words to apply, but it is not up to him. Rather uttering these words is up
to him, but as tforo the ruling on those word, that is up to the Lawgiver,
whether the person intended it or not. What matters here is the word that he
chose to use willingly when he is of sound mind and accountable. If he
intended to utter these words, then the Lawgiver will apply the ruling to
him whether he was serious or was joking. This is unlike one who is sleeping
or the one who has lost his mind or one who is insane etc, they do not have
any real intention and they are not accountable, so the words that they say
are idle talk, like the talk of a child who does not understand what he is
saying and does not mean it. 

The heart of the matter is the differentiation between one
who says something deliberately, knowing what he says but not intending to
be subject to the ruling on what he says, and one who does not mean it and
does not know what it means. There are four categories: 

1-    
When he intends the ruling but
does not utter the words

2-    
When he does not intend the
ruling or the words

3-    
When he intends the words but
not the ruling

4-    
When he intends both the words
and the ruling. 

The first two are idle talk, and the second two carry weight.
This is what may be understood from all the texts and rulings. End quote. 

Zaad al-Ma’aad, 5/204, 205 

Shaykh Ibn ‘Uthaymeen said in al-Sharh al-Mumti’
(10/461): 

Divorce takes place whether uttered in seriousness or in
jest. The difference between them is that the one who is serious intends
both the words and the ruling, whereas the one who is joking intends the
words but not the ruling. 

The one who is serious divorces his wife and intends divorce.
The joker intends to say the words but does not intend the ruling. So he
says, for example, “I was joking with my wife”, or “I was joking with my
friend, and I said: ‘My wife is divorced’ or some such.” And he says: “I did
not intend that she should be divorced, rather I intended to say the
words.” 

We say: The ruling applies in this case, because you have
uttered the words, and the ruling is up to Allaah. 

So long as the word of divorce is uttered with a valid
intention by a person who is of sound mind and can understand what it means,
then it counts as such. Even if he says, “I did not mean it as such,” it is
not up to him, rather it is up to Allaah. 

This is from the rational point of view. 

With regard to the reports, we have the report of Abu
Hurayrah: “There are three matters in which seriousness is serious and
joking is serious: marriage, divorce and taking back (one’s wife).” This is
the evidence from the texts. 

Some of the scholars said that a divorce issued in jest does
not count; how can the divorce of one who is joking count when all he
intended was to speak the words? Some of the scholars rebuked those who say
that the divorce of one who is joking counts as such and said: You say that
he is joking so how can you say that it counts as such, and take him
seriously? 

The response to these people is: we are only saying what is
indicated by the evidence. This hadeeth was classed as saheeh by some and as
hasan by others. There is no doubt that it counts as evidence, so we follow
it. 

Moreover, reason implies it, because if we open this door,
everyone will make such claims, in which case there will be no more divorce
on earth. The correct view is that it does count as such, whether he was
serious or was joking. 

Moreover, if we say that it counts as such, there is the
benefit of discipline, which restrains those people who want to play with
the words of divorce. If the person who toys with the concept of divorce
realizes that he will be called to account for it, he will never do that. 

But the one who says “I was joking” opens the door to people
to take the rulings of Allaah as a joke. End quote. 

And Allaah knows best.

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His mother wants him to divorce his second wife so that no one else will follow his example and marry more than one wife

 

I am a lady who has been married for a short time because I am the second wife of a married man. His mother has asked him to divorce me, not because of any bad conduct on my part, but merely so that his sisters’ husbands will not follow his example. She says that she does not care if there is any sin on her because of this demand, what matters is not to go against custom by entering into a plural marriage. What is the Islamic point of view on this matter? Does my husband have to obey her in that, knowing that I live with him according to the way of Allaah?.

Praise be to Allaah.
 

 

The mother has no right to tell her son to divorce his wife
just because he is going against his family’s or tribe’s custom by taking a
second wife, or because she fears that her daughter’s husbands may follow
his example, because plural marriage is something that has been permitted by
Allaah and by His Messenger (peace and blessings of Allaah be upon
him). 

The son does not have to obey his father or mother with
regard to divorcing his wife, especially if that is for a reason that is
contrary to the aims of sharee’ah, namely to have many children and keep
Muslim women chaste and reduce immorality. 

It says in Mutaalib Oola’l-Nuha (5/320): A son is not
obliged to obey his parents, even if they are of good character, with regard
to divorcing his wife, because this is not part of honouring one’s parents. 

Shaykh al-Islam Ibn Taymiyah was asked about a married man
who has children, but his mother dislikes his wife and tells him to divorce
her. Is it permissible for him to divorce her? The answer was: It is not
permissible for him to divorce her because of what his mother says, rather
he should honour his mother, but divorcing his wife is not part of honouring
his mother. And Allaah knows best. 

Al-Fataawa al-Kubra, 3/331 

Your husband has to
honour his mother and treat her kindly, whilst keeping you as his wife,
because it is not part of honouring his mother to divorce his wife. 

This mother should be advised and reminded that it is
essential to follow the laws of Islam, and to beware of drawing nigh to sin.
She should realize that whether her daughters will get divorced or not, or
their husbands will take second wives or not, are matters of the unseen
which no one knows except Allaah. Whatever He wills will happen, so there is
no point in committing haraam actions and splitting up families. 

Our advise to you is to strive your hardest to treat your
husband’s mother kindly and to win her love, so that your kind treatment of
her will erase from her mind the idea of telling her son to divorce you.  

And Allaah knows best.

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Her husband only gives her maintenance, and he lives far away from her. Can she ask for a divorce?

 

Peace be upon you, and the mercy of Allaah, 

I have been divorced (with talaaq) two times. The first time was because I asked my husband to give me and my children just one day each month when we could sit together, against his wishes and those of his family. The second time was because he loves another woman and he humiliates me in front of my children, and he shows favour to her and does not care about my feelings or the feelings of my children. He tells her that he loves her on the phone, where I can see and hear him, even though he is not married to her. Now he had traveled and left me alone with our children, and he has no connection with us apart from some money which he sends via his family.

 If I get divorced, will Allaah compensate me with something better and make me independent of means by His bounty, and will He compensate me for the wrongs that have been done to me by this hard-hearted man? Or will that mean that I am not content with the decree of Allaah? Do I have the right to have a husband with whom I can live in love, mercy and tranquility, or do I have to put up with living a life of humiliation, me and my children, for the sake of this monthly allowance that he sends via his family in order to humiliate me even further? Am I regarded as patient or as weak and broken because I have put up with this life for 11 years for fear of the word of divorce?.

Praise be to Allaah.
 

 

Firstly: 

Allaah has permitted a man to have several wives, and has
forbidden men to mistreat their wives. If a man wants to have more than one
wife, then he can keep the first wife on a decent and reasonable basis, or
he can let her go in a kindly manner. It is not permissible for him to keep
her married to him whilst forsaking her and not giving her her rights. It is
not permissible for him to be negligent with regard to his family and the
upbringing of his children. Plural marriage has not been prescribed in order
to destroy families, rather it is prescribed to build families and increase
their numbers. 

This forsaking of his wife and negligence is haraam for him,
even if he had another wife according to sharee’ah, so how about if he is
forsaking his wife and neglecting his family for an illegitimate reason such
as a haraam relationship and corrupt desires? 

Secondly: 

The wife has the right to ask for a divorce from her husband
if she cannot bear his bad treatment. This does not mean that she does not
accept the decree of Allaah. Indeed in some cases it may be haraam for her
to stay with a husband who commits major sins and whose children are not
safe from his evil influence and bad treatment. As divorce is allowed in
Islam and it may even be obligatory to ask for a divorce in some cases,
there is no need to think that this may go against belief in the divine will
and decree, because Allaah has decreed both marriage and divorce. 

The wife has the right to live with her husband and be
treated in a decent and reasonable manner, and to have a husband with whom
she can feel happy and who will be like a garment for her, so that there
will be love and compassion between them. This is the reason for which
marriage was prescribed, and if anything detracts from what we have
mentioned, then it is contrary to the reason for which marriage was
prescribed. 

Hence the husband should choose a woman who is
religiously-committed, and fathers and guardians should marry their
daughters and female relatives under their care to men who are
religiously-committed and of good character, because if the Muslim household
is established on the basis of the laws of Allaah, no wrongdoing or cruelty
will be seen in it. If a wife dislikes her husband for a legitimate shar’i
reason, then she can ask for divorce (talaaq) or can divorce him by khula’,
and if he dislikes her he can divorce her by talaaq and give her her rights
in full. He should either retain her on reasonable terms or release her with
kindness.  

If divorce takes place, then Allaah may decree that she finds
a good, righteous husband, as He says (interpretation of the meaning): 

“But if they separate
(by divorce), Allaah will provide abundance for everyone of them from His
Bounty”

[al-Nisa’ 4:130] 

Thirdly: 

Some woman stay and put up with their husbands because of the
possibility that Allaah may reform them, or so that he will remain in
contact with his children and take care of them and spend on them. If a long
time goes by and he does not reform or he mistreats his wife and children
too much, and she has sufficient money to spend on herself and her children,
then there is no point in her staying with him. Rather the right thing to do
is to rid herself of him so that she can live a better and more decent life,
and raise her children to obey Allaah and His Messenger (peace and
blessings of Allaah be upon him). 

You should take stock of yourself and repent to Allaah for
any sins or transgressions that you may have committed against the rights of
Allaah or the rights of your husband, or anyone else. Perhaps what has
happened to you may be a punishment for a sin that you have committed,
because Allaah says (interpretation of the meaning): 

“And whatever of misfortune befalls you, it is because of
what your hands have earned. And He pardons much”

[al-Shoora 42:30] 

Think long and hard about your situation and how likely it is
that you may find a husband after him or live a peaceful life without him.
Consult people around you who are close to you and are sincere. I advise
you, if they agree with you, to divorce him if the situation is as you
describe in your question. So pray istikhaarah and ask Allaah for guidance,
and if you feel at ease with the idea of divorce then go ahead, and ask
Allaah to make you independent of means by His bounty. We ask Allaah to set
your affairs straight and to relieve your distress and reconcile between you
if that is better for you both. 

And Allaah knows best.

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